Prelude to the Lunatics

I'd like to start by apologizing to the two lunatics in my life. All I can say now that you've both left me is, how I wish you two could have met! If you think you loved me, if you think we got along, well then you two would have just blown each other out straight of the water. We could have had us a time, just the three of us. How I wish we could have lived together as three souls who are locked in devotion to one another beyond rhyme or reason and I'm sure in one of those infinite universes where everything is the same only slightly different, we are.

To the first lunatic who lives in the wilderness: I am sorry for leaving in the manner in which I left. A goodbye would have been polite, a brief explanation would have been helpful, and hiding your car keys was regretable. You've more than made peace with the situation by now but for my own score-settling purposes may I add:

1) goodbye and so long, sianara, adieu, see ya later alligator & ciao
2) I caught a wild hair. Like a lightning bolt that's picked up by a breeze and carried far away from the storm, I no longer fit in. And then there was that business of the other lunatic writing me love notes with his blood for ink upon sheets of paper made from his own skin that he sealed with his own tears. I was haunting his dreams!
3) your keys are buried in the flower pot in the kitchen, to the right of the sink, the petunias.

To the second lunatic who also lives in the wilderness: I am sorry that I raised the hair on your arms. Please excuse me for being in the habit of running my index finger across your lips: first the bottom, then the top, the little divot. I feel terrible that you find the scent of my hair to be intoxicating. I am remorseful of the slight curvation of my spine and that it has captivated you. If I could erase from your brain the memory of my eyelashes fluttering against your cheekbones, I would. When you wake up from dreams (release me!) to find two lovely hands around your throat, forgive me.

If you two are wondering what has become of me, I will tell you. But first, I firmly believe we should march through the events that brought us here one more time. All we all know, nothing is certain. I'm not even sure if this is really the end or not, which is why I demanded that we start here. When we get to this point in the story, we will have caught up with ourselves, and when we continue beyond this point we will have lapped ourselves. Let this be a point of reference. Another reason I wanted to begin here is to tell you where to locate your car keys, because you live all alone up there, 17 miles from town uphill both ways, where the snow never melts, and also I threw away the spare.